Monday, June 13, 2011

If Elected (A Fantasy)

By Alan Caruba

I suppose we all wonder what we would do if elected President of the United States. In the run-up to the 2012 elections we will first have the primaries in which the candidates seek the nomination of their party.

It will be easier on Democrats because no one expects Barack Hussein Obama to face any opposition. That’s good news for the Republicans because there hasn’t been a President this incompetent since Jimmy Carter and never one as malevolent.

The Republicans have a surfeit of rather good candidates from which to choose. I do not agree with everything each one says and I have some concerns about some of the positions some have already taken, but the only way to keep the nation from being deliberately destroyed by progressive policies and legislation will be to remove Democrats and RINOs from office.

Twenty-six States have joined in a court case against the implementation of Obamacare and the House of Representatives has voted to repeal it. It was, if you recall, the central focus of Obama’s first two years in office. During those two years unemployment increased and the value of the dollar declined. He didn’t take notice until it came time to run for the office again. Famously, he called them “bumps in the road.”

So, if elected, what would I do? Here’s my fantasy!

I would make shutting down the Environmental Protection Agency a priority. It is a rogue agency that appears to think it is not accountable to Congress or the American people. It is filled with fanatics who have no regard for real science. It is costing the nations jobs and thwarting our energy needs. If I was President there would be no further mention of “global warming” or “climate change.” The climate is always changing; it’s called “the seasons” or “warming and cooling cycles.” There will be no regulation of carbon dioxide. That’s a scam.

I would shut down the Department of Education next. This department has almost single-handedly destroyed education in the nation, depriving all those passing through the government schools of knowledge of the U.S. Constitution and how the nation is governed. It has foisted “fuzzy” math on them. Mostly, though, teachers have been told they are “agents of change” responsible to indoctrinate students with liberal views including the odd notion that they can choose their gender and should be taught homosexual practices.

I would begin to strengthen our defense capability because we are going to need a larger navy, an Air Force with newer fleets of aircraft, and other improvements in an age of digital warfare. At the same time, I would begin to draw down the large numbers of troops still in Afghanistan and Iraq. Let them fight their own terrorists. If Iran continues to make threats, I would light up the skies over military and nuclear facilities in a fashion comparable to the elimination of Osama bin Laden. It would be quick and lethal.

I would install a missile shield in Poland as formerly promised, provide military assistance to Israel and make it known that a threat or an attack on Israel will be regarded as an attack on the U.S.A. We offer this protection to Taiwan, as well as Japan and South Korea.

I would restructure the Department of Homeland Security and put someone serious in charge. Currently it is just a monstrous bureaucracy. Those airport pat-downs would be among the first programs to go.

I will make it known to the Department of Energy that I want more energy, not less. Therefore I want to see permits being issued for exploration and extraction of oil, natural gas, and coal. I like coal-fired plants that generate electricity. I like nuclear power. I like pipelines to ensure we get what we need when we need it.

I would build a tall fence between the United States and Mexico. Even though we are economic partners in many ways, it has long been Mexico’s policy to send its people north so they can take jobs from Americans and send money back to Mexico. That has to stop along with the wholesale invasion of our nation. Illegal aliens would be told they have six months to either apply for naturalization or go home. No more free schooling, hospitals, and welfare.

I would withdraw the U.S. from the United Nations. I would tell the UN to find new headquarters elsewhere. As corrupt as it was under Kofi Annan, it is even worse under Ban Ki-moon, the latest Secretary General.

I would cut the individual and corporate tax rates so people have more of their own money to spend as they wish, save or invest. I would create a commission whose mission is to identify regulations that need to be ended. And, yes, I would restructure Social Security and Medicare so they don’t go broke.

All federal departments and agencies would see their budgets reduced and there would have to be a reduction in force across the boards. The government is simply too big and wastes money like a demented Willy Wonka candy factory. The savings would be plowed back into debt reduction. And, while I was at it, I would put the U.S. back on the gold standard. Right now our dollars are based on nothing but a promise.

I could go on, but I promise I will not take up golf, though I am likely to install a pool table in the West Wing.

© Alan Caruba, 2011


Guy in Ohio said...

Alan, you have my vote sir ...

TexasFred said...

I would seriously want a job in the Caruba administration...

State, Defense, something with nukes... Whatever, I'll serve as needed...

Dave's Daily Day Dream said...

Alan, you should know that you have my vote, and then, I'll travel to Chicago and vote again!
What about tariffs?
I am not an attorney, so I could help clean up the Justice Department.

Alan Caruba said...

@TexasFred: With all due respect, sir, there is no way I am letting you near the nukes. :-)

Alan Caruba said...

@Dave: Justice, Commerce, Interior, Agriculture, Housing, you name it, Dave. Let's get rid of the leaches and liars.

Ronbo said...

Dear President Caruba:

PLEASE hang, draw and quarter all traitors!

The heads to be placed on pikes around the White House.

If you don't they will return to the sewers and breed a new generation of Enemies of the Republic.

Free Advice,

Oliver Cromwell

Alan Caruba said...

@Ronbo. I am not going to encourage you, though I think we could find a spot for you in the CIA if you don't mind "wet work."

Conway said...

President Caruba, I would be most honored if your administration would consider my application for the exalted position of Lord High Executioner.

My qualifications, sir:

I've got a little list of society offenders who might well be underground - and who never would be missed - never would be missed!

Conway said...

@ Ronbo:

Pikes are much too expensive to procure, considering the fragile state of the economy.

Therefore, I suggest that sharpened wooden stakes be employed instead. They are also bio-degradable and "earth friendly".

Another suggestion: Rather than going through the bother of drawing and quartering them, it would be much more cost effective if the traitors were simply impaled, and afterward used to decorate the White House lawn.

Ronbo said...

Dear President Caruba:

How about me becoming your Attorney General?


...and you wouldn't have to encourage me one bit to go after the traitors with the zeal of Robespierre taking care of the French ruling class in 1794 :-)

Eddy said...

Dear President Caruba:
Why don't you run?
Also, don't forget to REDUCE the importance of the presidency in the US where it has assumed almost a king-like meaning as if the pres. can do everything. A regular reminder of the President that "well, this does not belong to my constitutional compentencies so I'm not doing anything" would be welcome too. :-)

Alan Caruba said...

@All: Some of you gentlemen are a tad too bloodthirsty, but I like your zeal.

And, remember, it is a FANTASY.

And now we shall return to REALITY.

Geoff A said...

My guess is your first three words in office would not constitute a lie. In contrast, those of your predecessor (as best I recall)were: "I am humbled..."

Geoff A

Ronbo said...


But seriously, if a president were elected with the same agenda as you propose, and was backed 100% by a Tea Party Congress and Supreme Court, it would be tantamount to a Second American Revolution.

Furthermore, as no ruling in history has went quietly into the night, I'd say the USA would face a rebellion at least from the formerly tenured for life federal bureaucrats, politicians and their union thug allies.

Did I mention race riots? This country could see urban violence on the scale of the late 1960s and early 70s when the welfare checks end and the Left pulls out all stops on the radicalization of a very irrational, emotional and largely racist part of our population - unemployed black urban males.

I'm afraid Uncle Sam has painted himself into the corner this time and there are no easy options for recovery except the hard cutting back of the federal government that you outline in your article.

The problem is that the cure for the disease of socialism will make the patient very sick for at least ten years - maybe even civil war sick; however, without this much needed radical surgery the patient is as dead as the old Soviet Union.

"I say we go with the radical surgery, Dr. Kildare!"

ewgrimmfamily said...

(My Fantasy) If you decide to run, you have my vote. If you win, I'll give up my day job to help.

If I decide to run and win, I would like you on staff -- trusted adviser and clear thinker.

Now back to my day job.

stuffmaster said...

As an atmospheric physicist, my first filter for any candidate is determining whether or not he or she has partaken of the AGW Koolaide. If I hear the words "carbon footprint", or "greenhouse gases", I immediately assume they are simply too dumb to be president and immediately scratch them off my list of viable candidates.

Good to see you have not fallen for the great Global Warming Hoax.

beercan43 said...

Get rid of the Dept of Energy !!!!!!!!!!!!!