Sunday, January 23, 2011

My Advice to the POTUS about the SOTU

By Alan Caruba

Some of you will have more important things to do on Tuesday evening than to listen to President Barack Hussein Obama’s second State of the Union, commonly referred to as the SOTU and, of course, he is the POTUS.

Is there an acronym for B-O-R-I-N-G and P-R-E-D-I-C-T-A-B-L-E?

Here’s some free advice for the POTUS. The highlight of your first SOTU was the way you insulted the members of the Supreme Court seated in their robes right in front of you. Way to go, Barack!

A big time Harvard Law School grad like you surely knows gobs more about the law than they do and, don’t forget, you taught a course on the Constitution as an adjunct professor or some such position. At the time, you concluded that the Constitution was a “negative” instrument of government because it wouldn’t let the Congress or you go hog-wild and pass any law you wanted. As we all know, the Constitution is filled with too many phrases that begin “Congress shall make no law…” plus all that checks-and-balances stuff.

When you had a Democrat majority, you showed America what you wanted to do. You, crazy Nancy Pelosi, and the ever-cheerful Harry Reid, rammed Obamacare through even after a million people showed up to say don’t do it. Were the voters grateful? Hell, no! They voted out a ton of those Democrats, replaced them with Republicans, and those new members of the House just voted to repeal your beloved bill.

Well, after two years of waiting for those “shovel ready” and “Green” jobs to show up while you were creating a Marxist worker’s paradise, it’s clear that the SOTU will have to be all about J-O-B-S, with an emphasis on the last two letters.

Most of the genius economists who advised you in the first two years have since fled back to academia and even Rahm has left for the blessed streets of Chicago. So now it’s time to talk about J-O-B-S, with an emphasis on the last two letters.

Your own resume is a bit thin as regards anything most people would regard as a job. Remember when “community organizer” was considered a joke? It still is. Only no one is laughing because they are all out looking for J-O-B-S.

We all know you have to toss in some catchy phrases about foreign affairs, but other than blaming Israel for all the problems in the Middle East including flatulence and sand, no one cares about the rest of the world very much. They’re mostly trying to hold onto or get a J-O-B.

Word is you will also speak about the need for more spending. This is a really bad idea because you and the Democrats have spent us into virtual insolvency at this point and Americans really, really, really hate this.

Just stick to your script from those glorious campaign days in 2008. Remind everyone that everything wrong in the world is the fault of the unexceptional and arrogant U.S.A. Remind everyone that it is all Bush’s fault. Remind everyone that you cannot get out of Iraq or Afghanistan fast enough. Mention the troops. Everyone loves the troops.

It is essential to throw in some reference to global warming, to electric cars, to wind and solar energy, and to take a moment to remind everyone how horrid Big Oil and Big Coal are. That’s pretty much been your energy policy anyway.

As for the business climate in America, it will probably be a good idea not to say bad things about Big Pharma, Big Insurance, Wall Street, or all the other engines of the economy that often employ people who are looking for J-O-B-S.

Mention “civility” and “public discourse” because they score well in focus groups. Also mention “bipartisanship” because it does too and, remember, in two years you will be looking for a J-O-B, so try to fake some humility.

© Alan Caruba, 2011


TexasFred said...

If Obama would LISTEN to GOOD advice, and act on it, there may be hope for the guy, but as long as he supports Islam over Israel, terrorists over freedom, Socialism over America 1st free markets, we're in deep poop...

Maria Carolina said...

Great Post! My husband has been looking for a J-O-B for the past year now and I can't stand to look or hear any more of the B-S Obama speaks.
Anyway, you should add a "Share" button to your blog so we could share it with our friends/family and colleagues. =)

Alan Caruba said...

@Maria: If I knew how to add a "share" button, I would. I am digitally challenged.

@Fred: Is deep poop the stuff you can step in on the sidewalk or where cows graze? If so, your comment is right on target...oh wait, we can't say things like that anymore, can we?

Ronbo said...


I would make another of my very clever remarks about your excellent article, but I have to go out looking for a J-O-B to buy that can of beans at Walmart I've had my eyes on all last week.

Alan Caruba said...

@Maria: What was I thinking? There IS a "share" device on my blog. You can share with Facebook or Twitter.

Alan Caruba said...

@Ronbo: Hey! Hey! Hey! I get to be the funny one on this blog, fella.

(Although, I did think you're post was funny, too.)